I’ve just got to tell you this…

I started duty earlier than usual this morning; our pro-active policing team asked me to go with them to execute a drugs warrant. It is quite common to ask female officers to go along, in the event that there are female suspects to be searched – this team of five officers were all male. The target house was a typical local authority town house, flanked on either side by, what looked like, decent people’s houses. This one had sheets at the windows instead of curtains and the small front garden had no gate and was overgrown with long grass that, so it transpired, was full of dog shit. Some of the intelligence that led to the raid had come from neighbours who were sick of the disturbance caused by the activities of the couple living in the house – proof that tenants of a house are involved in drug dealing strengthens the case for the local authority to evict them; though this helps the neighbours it simply moves the problem somewhere else. Anyway that’s by the way.

We parked the cars around the corner so as to approach quietly on foot, which was just as well, because the front bedroom window was ajar. We assembled at the front door, with the lead officer wielding the Wham Ram – or universal key as it’s fondly known – ready to smash the door in. As we waited in the quiet, we heard unmistakable moans coming from the upstairs window – whoever was in the front bedroom were obviously ‘at it’.

We stood struggling to stifle our giggles for a moment as the moans became shouts:

“Not yet, not yet, not yet” shouted the female voice,

“I’ve got to, I’ve got to” replied the male.

The lead officer stood with the Wham Ram ready.

“Yes, yes yes” shouted the female voice,

“Ohhhhhhhh” shouted the male

Smash! went the perfectly timed Wham Ram, “Police” shouted the pro-active team.

We didn’t find much, a bit of cannabis and a few Es’ but there were scales and notebooks that the team took away; it looks like there had been dealing going on there. At least the neighbours might get a bit of peace for a while now that the dealers know we are on to them; and in any case we found that the electricity meter had been tampered with so they got charged with abstracting electricity too – an interesting fact that: you can steal gas but not electricity; gas is tangible property, electricity isn’t.

The female prisoner was quite easy to search in the event, her being (horribly) naked and all.


March 7, 2007. drugs, police, sex, working women.

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